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Plutonian shadows skirt caramel skies
of surface ice and threat of storm,
but I am Demeter! Oh frigid lover!
I’ve journeyed far and further afore.
I spied a crack beneath your sill
and a dull to dress your pane,
so I rode a cloud into your night
and I bathed in your insane.
I left you then... in water’s cloak,
in company of the trickster...
and you never knew, I’d left a print,
upon your God’s elixir.
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Very nicely written Leigh. It flows nicely and was a real pleasure to read. For me though, I would have liked to have read something about the earth, or the stoicism of the owners of the land or something similar because you introduced Demeter (Goddess of the earth's fertility). You might also like to watch the number of alliterations in the same and proceeding lines:
shadows skirt caramel skies of surface ice and threat of storm
Having said that, I did love the phrases: Plutonian Shadows.....and......God's Elixir
Hi Steve. Thanks for the suggestions, I appreciate the comments. Demeter is indeed the Goddess of the Earth's fertility....but in her duality, she is also connected to the underworld in her arduous search for Persephone. It was those aspects of her that I was referring to in my poem.
The alliteration was also purposeful (at least to me)....I included all the 'ssss' sounds (which occur through the entire poem really) because I was attempting to elicit a seductive response overall.
Anyway, I will lay off the alliteration in my next poem....and see how I go :) Thanks again!
Thanks so much for the encouragement Thomas! I only write poetry here and there...but hopefully I'll get to compose something new soon :) x
Thanks Corey...much appreciated x
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