Crescent shaped moons

   and filaments of shining lead

   fill a hole above

   your head and mine.


   We call it night sky - 

                      there is wonder.

   How to know but beyond this?

   We are taught and told

old things

   brokered fragments

   borrowed tongues

   ashen thread.

   the resin surrounding an idea




   on these summer nights;

heady aromas of jasmine tree and

pumpkin spice

have humanised the Gods.

   and yet our fingers grasp

   solid and insured

   by whispers from a 


   there is wonder

   in the faith

   of a simple human sky.

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Many thanks Phillip. I am so glad to hear that you are enjoying these words.

Dear oh dear another poem that has three fundamental errors. The first is "purpose" or theme. There is no discernable theme. For example: brokered fragments   borrowed tongues   ashen thread. These words don't add meaning. the second flaw is that it lacks any structure. It's free verse let run on the beach like a dog teased waves of meaning but finding nothing real there. The final error is the lack of structure. It is clearly a first draft and reads like that. Sadly the metaphor of a crecent moon is good but it drowns the meaning.

Hi Stephanie, thanks for the feedback. I am sorry that you were unable to find:

1) the purpose/theme of, or

2) the structure to this piece

(you said there were 3 errors, but #2 and #3 were both structure?)

I can assure you that purpose, theme and structure were definitely part of the process, however. I guess you were just unable to find them.


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