Saudade - Portuguese word meaning the unbearable longing for something or someone so far away that you may never see them again


Standing knee deep in the harbour pool on my side of the ocean,

thinking of you standing on your side on the end of Venice Beach Pier,

waving to each other even though only the seagulls can see us.

It’s the salt spray makes my eyes water,

not the thought of that impossible distance between us.

 

There’s always an airport, there’s always goodbye.

We think of ways to meet again.

How about catching up in New York?

Watching the sunrise above Angkor Wat?

Drinking tempranillo in Buenos Aires?

Bag ourselves a yeti in Khatmandu?

 

I guess we could do those things -

we know we travel together well -

except that those places aren’t home.

 

We have opened the doors of our houses.

We have opened the doors of our hearts.

My home is filled with people, but it’s empty of you.

How dare you have a good time without me!

 

I leave only my footprints as I walk this southern beach tonight,

beneath this month’s full moon.

The last time I left you on your side of the world,

the moon was full.

I imagine you watching the same moon tonight,

while you stand on the northern side of our ocean.

 

The Samoans say the trail of moonlight on water is the pathway to the gods.

Only the soul is free enough to walk it.

For me, that moonlit path leads me nowhere but to you,

and my soul longs to be home.

 

I forget the time difference while I’m here on this forlorn beach.

The sun shines where you are,

leaving no shadows for me to lurk in your day.

You’re awake right now, like me.

Are you thinking of me as I think of you?

 

We say goodbye as often as we greet each other,

each  goodbye a fresh wound,

invisible lacerations that tear me apart all over again.

The exquisite pain of those fine cuts belongs to me,

it helps me remember you.

We say goodbye.We say goodbye.We say goodbye.

We say ... hullo.

 

 

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