SECRETS AND SPACE*

                                                                                                                                                For Zoc.

“I want Privacy from The Light----/….
   I want Secrets and Space to Be Alone—/…
…… /For I alone ‘Rule’ The Universe of My Image/—through

The Minimal Powers of My Mind---/… and through My Raving Mad

and Senseless Imaginings/….- …You See,
My Image is My Whole Understanding of Everything/…… My Image is the sole focus and cause
of My Being and Destiny—/….It creates an Individual Space for My Individual Body ,/… Established firmly
in and as my perception and vision of Reality…/…. The Vast, Empty Space Made and Perceived
around Everyone and Everything/

………And as My Whole Understanding of who and what I am—-------- is This Little Thing
called My Flesh and Bone Physical Reality/which is More Real to Me than My very Own Mind/…
This Warped Understanding—--------------- ----------------------so frail, so weak,
is my own personal truth and secret purpose against The Wholeness and Power of The Light/…
-----For I would wish to be safely hidden and free of It……
……to Be and Dream of where I would wish to be and dream —-- and be not where I was originally
Created, Designed, and Inspired in The Radiance of The Eternal Brilliance

of Mind/

.—So Powerful am I…./---
As I was Created/—that Even My Idle Wishes can Rule

and Dominate My Mind/….--and I wish to be unchecked, unchallenged and
uncorrected in My Mad Notions and Fantasies, that My Reality is what I wish It to be/……and though I am often miserable with
what I wish and have---still, I am free -----for as I wish I am,----------------------------------------------so shall I wish to be…./…

I want Privacy from The Light…/..
I want Secrets and Space to Be Alone…/..
—---For I am Alone in my Miserable, Vulnerable Vision of Reality/…and because The Truth
as I see it ` is difficult

and is different for me I am Separate,
but Individual and Unique/–------There is no one else like me—/….and that is my Beauty—/…But There is No One Else Able to know My
Mysteries,/… My Reason and Purpose for Physical Being,/ And therefore, No One able, truly, to get closer to me/—
and that’s the Tragic, Lonely Curse of My Being/…………………..That I
can only wish and yearn and seek for Love/…….but I can Never Know Its Beautiful Painless Reality—
-----For As I am always Chasing the Painful Fantasy of Love, True Love has always eluded Me/…
And with True Love always Calling and Singing to My Heart’s Reality …
….True Love

has always Frightened Me/—for True Love

has never asked much from Me/— except that I let it be
Itself, and not try to Control and Manipulate it All For Me ---–or to Seek Control, really, over Anything Loving—
-----and Even This is Too Much

for Me to Agree to…/…for if True Love, as I imagine it, is meant for Me,
I Must Make It Do Inevitably as I Imagine…/…

I ‘m Afraid of The Alien Power and Clarity of The Light/….and So Afraid , Equally of really getting what I want—and though I seem
Damned, Doomed and Fated to Desire

---The Truth, Revealed to Me, Mirrored clean and Clearly
in The Light /…Shows Me nothing Deceitful, Hateful or Ugly about Me /.. in its Honest Evaluation,/…
and that is

Precisely Why I Hate It!/….…For Nothing,

not even The Eternal Light
should convince Me to Give Up My Nasty Childish Fantasies of Love and Life/---as My Vainest Wish
for Special Love has Cost Me Dearly,

made Me
Insanely Selfish, Sick and Insatiably Hungry /Just

for the Toys and Tools of Consuming
The Petty Material and Temporary Treasures that Eternity has long ago Revealed is Worthless to Me ./…..

I want Secrets and Space from The Light/….and Privacy with an Identity which gives Me The Necessary Anonymity and Independence from My Own Creator and Creations –/….
for I would Seem to Crave Only a Mad Independence------ even from My Own Origins and Reality/…
Desiring for.. and Insanely,

the Delusional Experience of being Self-Sufficient in My Imagined Self Creation—
and with Needs of No One and of Nothing which Never Satisfies Me-/….For this Travesty of Being

I am even
willing to die—---- Just to Establish This Twisted Reality
and to Bitterly Mock Creation’s Eternal Vision of Me-------- Thus, Replacing Eternity with My Own Nightmares!/ ...........I want Secrets and Space from The Light/……for I would Truly make Nothing of My Reality…/… for I would prefer to Choose and
Live with Fantasies of My
Reality/…… For I would Know of/… and Want Nothing of It…

9, August 2004/

 Amsterdam, Holland/…

----------- The Insidious Illusion Of Choice # 15/

. "Secrets and Space" Copyright 2005 /- -F I N N E G A N !/...