Every little white star

who deigns to sparkle

and sprinkle

his tiny arms

into the burly black night-coat;

I will think of your face in them.

quiet achievers

brave

burning so brightly and so magnificently

diligent, truthful, kind and pure.

you were a white light

my white light;

beautiful truth and refuge

from a brazen, expansive unknown.

I cannot believe you did it.

I cannot believe that I wasn’t there.

even just to hold

your hand as you passed

from this world

into theirs;

to offer comfort

to sing a soft prayer

to break off small pieces of my soul and gut

as sustenance  

on your journey from here.

I am bolstered

by your strong and true ethic

your steadfast love

your humble prayer to a different kind of god;

the god of knowledge, of search, of wonder,

the god who would help us to understand the struggles of the mind.

I hope you found that god

I hope you know the truths of the souls of the earth now;

I hope these words can get to you

in some way

through the viscous lens

that cuts this world away from universality

and omnipotence.

Haunted clouds take your place now

in some fuzzy sky

uncertain (or unwilling) to demarcate any lines.

and I will weep

my darling friend

I will weep as I contend

with every memory of your loving hand

your gentle touch

on my brittle, screaming limbs.

I neglected to tell you just how life-saving you really were.

you saved my life,

and I will celebrate yours forever

as an apology

for not being able to do more.