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Permalink Reply by Dermott Ryder on November 30, 2011 at 12:54

KDW

 

Not in sonnet form, of course, but this tribute with its echo of ‘Love from the Distance’ is reminiscent of ‘To Laura In Death’ by Latin scholar and father of Humanism, Francesco Petrarca [1304-1374], known to the English as Petrarch.

 

In this work Petrarch begs love to assist him, that he may worthily celebrate Laura in death. She would not or could not allow him to celebrate her in life. I have included Petrarch’s sonnet for ease of reference.

 

SONNET LXXXIX: TO LAURA IN DEATH

Francesco Petrarca [Petrarch 1304-1374]

 

a… Ah, Love! some succour to my weak mind deign,

b… Lend to my frail and weary style thine aid,

b…To sing of her who is immortal made,

a… A citizen of the celestial reign.

 

a… And grant, Lord, that my verse the height may gain

b… Of her great praises, else in vain essay'd,

b…Whose peer in worth or beauty never stay'd

a… In this our world, unworthy to retain.

 

a… Love answers: ‘In myself and Heaven what lay,

b… By conversation pure and counsel wise,

a… All was in her whom death has snatch'd away.

b… Since the first morn when Adam oped his eyes,

 

a… Like form was ne'er-suffice it this to say,

b…Write down with tears what scarce I tell for sighs.’

 

In your presentation ‘My Tribute to Amy’ I found the word ‘wanna’ in place of ‘want to’ a little jarring, incompatible perhaps with the delicate emotive nature of the work.  In the line ‘You carried on the best you can’ consider, would past tense be more appropriate?

Please accept that these comments are made with care and in good faith.

  

Regards

 Dermott Ryder

 

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Permalink Reply by POETRY BY KDW on November 30, 2011 at 15:42

Hi Dermott.

Thank you very much for your contribution to my work.

I have been writing poetry on and off for a few years now with no formal training or study except my basic primary and high school English education.

I'm not aware of your back ground but it certainly sounds like you definitely know what your talking about, so any pointers from yourself are much welcomed.

I have always been scared to put out poetry in this arena in fear of criticism but i know its the only way I will get to hone my writing.

In most times I don't set out to write but feel a need to when overcome with sudden emotions. I having admired Amy Winehouse for a period of time and was truly sorry for her death, so after listening to her music last night felt the need to write about it. So I just let it flow out usually and then it came.

So anyway once again thank you and i look forward to any more pointers you may have for my future writing.

 

Kieran

 

 

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Permalink Reply by POETRY BY KDW on November 30, 2011 at 15:49

Hello again.

After re reading my work with the pointers you gave me in place it definitely sounds better. I'm touched you considered my work "delicate and emotive"

Its really hard to gauge how well my writing is or perceived by others.

 

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